I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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