im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
