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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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