Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sobbing to NWA
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
