I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
