3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
how does that bad decision feel?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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