Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
