if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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