I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
