Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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