Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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