Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
