right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
