I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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