I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
