im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
