yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
