Banned from zoo.
Again?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
