I didn't shave. On purpose
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
