Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
