I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
