youre lurking in front of me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
