been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
