I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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