sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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