i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Who died my cat blue again?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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