I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
