I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
