I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
