Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
