I am puke
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
