dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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