I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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