party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you inspire me to be a worse person
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
