my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
