I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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