shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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