At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
