Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
