Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
