I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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