i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
