just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
