Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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