you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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