Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
