"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
