Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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