piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
