Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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