Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
