Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
