The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
