I will die if light touches me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
