Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
