Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
