Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
